Lean toward starting individual if

• The pattern you struggle with shows up in every relationship, not only this one. For example, you shut down at the first sign of conflict regardless of who you are with.

• You lose track of your own wants inside relationships and want to find them before negotiating with a partner.

• You are carrying anxiety, depression, or old wounds that predate this relationship and color how you show up in it.

• You are not sure you want to stay, and you need space to think that is yours alone.

Lean toward starting couples if

• The problem shows up mainly in the interaction between you: the same argument on a loop, a slow drift into roommates, a sense of distance neither of you can close.

• There is a specific rupture, like a breach of trust, that you keep circling without resolving.

• You communicate fine apart and badly together, which usually means the dynamic, not either person, is the thing to work on.

Consider doing both at once if

You have the bandwidth and both are true: your own material is real and so is the relational pattern. Individual work gives you something to bring back to your partner, and what surfaces in couples sessions often shows you exactly what to take into your own. Many people run them in parallel for a stretch.

How couples therapy works at our practice

Couples therapy here is offered by clinicians who specialize in relational work. Nuna, our lead couples therapist, has Gottman training and is moving toward more EFT-informed relational work, and other clinicians on the team take couples as well. Because we keep individual and couples work separate, you can see one of our therapists on your own and be matched with a different clinician for couples sessions, which keeps the relationship itself the clear focus of that work.

One important exception

If there is abuse, intimidation, or you do not feel safe with your partner, couples therapy is usually not the right first step, and it can make things worse. Safety and individual support come first. A responsible clinician will help you sort that out before anything else.

FAQ

Can we switch from one to the other later?

Yes, and people often do. Starting in one format does not lock you out of the other.

Will the couples therapist take my partner's side?

A good couples therapist works for the relationship rather than for either person, which means neither of you should feel ganged up on. If you do, name it in session.

We tried couples therapy before and it did not help. Now what?

That sometimes means the timing or the fit was off, or that one or both of you needed individual work first. It is worth figuring out which before you write off the whole approach.

If you are not sure where to start, you do not have to solve this alone. Reach out and we will help you choose the right starting point.